The extreme wind whirled in an untraced direction- uncontrollable, wild, and changing. Heavy hail suddenly dropping. After an hour, it stopped. A placid skied recognized, a calm atmosphere felt. A River Birch Tree stood still. Some of the trunks were broken but its leaves adapt in every kind of season. It blooms. A drought-tolerant with its roots can’t easily be uprooted.
One Saturday night, a thought came to my mind – Is this really the life that I should live?. When my family and I argued about the breakup I had with the man I thought I was the one I should be marrying.
We’ve been a couple for more than six years.
Imagining of walking in the aisle while someone you loved the most awaits you at the corner, and you two cried. Principal sponsors, the venue, and the theme for the best year of our lives. An intimate garden wedding. Our friends usually teased us because they can’t wait for that moment. They’re too many for bridesmaids and I pulled a joke at them that we will be casting lots. Haha! We already have a target date. In case of plan A will not work, we have Plan B.
Bon (not his real name) and I had a lot of awesome memories in six years. Ups and downs, tears, and happy moments were recorded on social media. The purpose I had to take a photo every time we went somewhere is for memories. Every time Facebook notifies me, I get so excited assuming of what memories we had on that day.
I remember those vacant moments during college. We were classmates and we had the best days.
He will bring me into something new (I am always up to new). Places, food, and coffee shop. When he always keeps on reminding me that I should exercise, like running. I usually say I would rather eat bananas than go running. (I don’t like bananas). Anyways, he is a Marathoner.
Bon is musically inclined. He plays bass and drums. I admire a man who loves music especially knows how to play instruments. I remember those times when I want to learn to play the guitar, he was so patient with me when I can’t be patient with myself. The ending was, he played the guitar then I decided to sing instead. Haha. And we had a chill afternoon then.
He would always encourage me not to give up and to keep going in life. I can really say that he will always do his best for someone he loves. And I can attest and assure that he did. Bon is a good man. I mean when I say good, he has that character of a man that every girl wants. He is gentle, futuristic, and a responsible man.
February 14, 2020. I was in my office. I was shocked when there were deliveries outside. A bouquet and chocolates. My officemates said, “SANA ALL” – a vernacular which means I wish to have that. I felt loved. Sweet like chocolates.
Bon is introverted and has a strategic thinking skill, I am extroverted and has a people person skills. He loves dogs, I don’t love dogs. He loves old songs, I love new upbeat songs. Do you believe that the opposite does attract? We were opposite but one thing that we have the same taste is we were both coffee lovers. He would always say, coffee without milk and sugar is always heaven.
Our relationship was a roller coaster ride but we always choose to find joy in every little thing, even in the waiting, the lack and in plenty, the sorrow and in suffering, we persevered.
How many of you believe that if two people are meant for each other, they’re really meant for each other no matter what hindrances might dictate. But sometimes things turned out into something you did not expect. Opposite of the things you’re excited for.
We ended our relationship 8 months ago. Not because of a third party or something that happened that we don’t like but because of obedience.
Maybe some of you might think differently like, Oh! really? no issues just obedience? I can’t write it all down here, but I am willing if you want more about it. Coffee? Message me!
Is it ridiculous? Am I out of my mind? Am I crazy? Yes. These are what they describe me. Even my family doesn’t understand. Even my college friends got to question me. Yes. Me too don’t really understand. All I know was I obeyed God.
People will always see me that I am okay at that time. Outside yes but inside? Nah! I was broken. The process was not easy. I was purged slowly and surely. There were nights I silently cried and hugging my pillow. Finding comfort and a companion. Finding a blink of light when all you can see is darkness. How many jars of tears I’ve collected that time? It’s much especially when happy memories flashbacks.
I didn’t expect that it will happen to me- being broken, romantically broken. I thought that we will have a happy ending, fulfilling our plans together. But when God calls the shot, all you can do is obey. I mean I have the choice not to but I cannot afford to hurt God. I love my God more than I love him.
It was painful and heavy when some people you expected would understand and listen to you, chose to question and judge you. But there’s no use trying to make someone understand when you know they don’t have it on their heart to understand. In the end, I got drained. Haha!
My mentor once said, “When you obey God, not all people will understand and not all people will choose to understand. Just keep walking.”
I am grateful for the people who stood by my side in those moments. Those people I call my second family. They’ve seen it from the start until now. Those people who don’t judge you but choose to love you even if it’s the hardest.
As I am writing this, reminiscing how God held my hand in those times, makes me always say that it is all by the Grace of God. How He never left me in that season. He has always been my comforter.
How testing and trials produces steadfastness as we obey Him in every aspect.
Read it here… https://womenoneanotheringwomen.org/3-truths-found-in-matthew-about-our-christian-foundation/
A River Birch Tree who stood still in every season. For me, I’ll stand still in every kind of hassle.
For now, it’s kinda blurry the answers to my “Why Lord?” but I choose to be in faith, to step out into the unknown and foggy situation knowing that God will always hold my hand every time.
Maybe our story ended in pain but God knows the happy ending.
As for you, yes. You! It is not a coincidence that you pass by here. When struggling to obey, maybe it’s time to realize what necessary ending you have to make.
Always choose God no matter what. He is always there even in the darkest times. Jesus is always present even in the hard places.