I grew up in a family that don’t have much and money was always a problem to both of my parents. I’ve seen how my parents argued and fight with each other about it. I’ve witnessed how their relationship changed all through out their married life.
With all the fighting with each other, they missed to notice that their children – me and my sisters – were hurt by it and had questions why it was happening.
I call it my “Why’s”,
Why do my parents need to fight?
Why is there pain and why it can’t seem to stop?
Why do my parents allowed us to see the brokenness of their relationship?
The why’s never stopped. When asked why they would fight, my parents answers became another question to me. It seemed like a burden. I equated the “not having money to nothing good happens to you”.
I lost my sense of purpose. I lack direction. I started to see myself as a failure. I built walls that allows no one. I thought that I didn’t need anyone. I am better off alone. I pretended that everything was fine and that I am okay. Deep inside, I am in so much emotional pain. I was dead inside and hoped it would be like that physically, too.
Walking in the rain
I’ve always liked the rain. It camouflages my tears. But the rain that hid my tears became the avenue for my change.
It was a rainy afternoon. I was on my way home walking beside the street and I was brooding over the why’s of my life. I wanted to end the pain, that’s when I started entertaining suicidal thoughts. When I saw that a speedy bus was approaching, I stepped forward so the bus can hit me. Bu then, something stopped me from doing it. It felt like everything was in slow motion.
After that happened, I continued walking but challenged God – “Lord, if you are true then let this rain stop and make me see such blue sky.” And like it was a miracle, the gray clouds parted, the rain stopped and the sky became blue.
To some, it may be just like another crazy weather, but to me it became my turning point. The beginning of my new life. From darkness to light.
God changed and still changes me
God gave me direction. He gave me a new life, one with purpose and hope.
I was freed. I continue to be free. I know what it’s like to be free. I know what it’s like to experience radical love.
I’m radically changed I will never be the same before.
Radical Realization: I am a NEW person and I am created to have a great purpose.
2 CORINTHIANS 5:17-18 TPT
Now, if anyone is enfolded into Christ, he has become an entirely new creation. All that is related to the old order has vanished. Behold, everything is fresh and new. And God has made all things new, and reconciled us to himself, and given us the ministry of reconciling others to God.
Think About It:
If God can changed me and made it all happen with that one rainy afternoon. He can also change you to where you are right now. God is consistently listening. He cares for you. He died for you. He loved you.