From a girl to a woman of God.
From a girl who don’t even have certain convictions in life before to a woman whose heart has been transformed. From a girl who based her identity from people close to her and whom she loved to a woman whose identity is found in Jesus Christ alone. From a girl who puts her trust to people around her and happiness from worldly things to a woman who puts her trust and hope to God and her happiness from God’s word and promises.
Looking back I used to live a life that was based on what is just happening in front of me. Living in the surface of everything. I get the definition of certain things on how I experienced the situation or how I’ve seen the situation with out looking at the bigger picture, with out cultivating the deeper roots. That just made me go with the flow. What seems to be new is the normal thing to do. With out knowing my true identity, I based it from the opinion of people around me. How destructive, I know. I always seek validation from what people may say about me or what might be “good” to others. Little did I know that I started living their opinions about me and it has eaten and even swallowed me. Until such time I realized that there is something wrong with in me, I felt like a robot being told of what to do and following it as what they have told me to do so. Until such time, I felt so lost — I don’t know what to feel. It was all temporary, including the happiness I’ve felt. It was fading. I’ve tried some steps to improve my self but it just made me tired and drained. I felt like I am running in circles with no end. It made me lose the drive and it made me even tired. I was so blinded that I can’t distinguish what is right from almost right. I used to be afraid of losing people, thinking that I am not good enough that there is something lacking in me. I had this urge to fill the void inside me.
The Journey accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Savior.
One Sunday I attended this service in Victory Iloilo together with a friend, I am not new to “Praise and Worship” since I have attended a Christian service quite a few times already but that day, it feels like from the line up of worship songs up to the preaching of the Pastor were made for me. The Gospel was from Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I have no idea what is happening around, and I even heard these verses before, but that time it feels like the anointing time of God for me. I just cried because it feels like God is speaking to me directly, I just cried because I felt really tired and I know that I am not just physically tired, it’s my soul which is experiencing the weariness, it’s my soul that needs cure. Those words spoke life to me and that begins the journey. The beginning of journey accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Savior. I am really grateful for those people who really planted a seed on me. And to those lives who made an impact to me and who walk with me with this journey with Jesus.
Have you heard of them saying “When it scares you, pursue it even more”. We can associate this line to different meaning but way back then, it kind of pushed me to embrace and pursue what my heart told me to do so. I was afraid and the journey has not been easy at first, but of course I have surrendered it to God, acknowledging that I can’t do it alone, but with Him there is nothing impossible, with Him there is no such thing as difficult. For when we are weak, then we are strong in the Lord. He is the God who performs wonders that can not be fathomed and miracles that can not be counted. And so I prayed hard that He’ll just reveal Himself to me and until now I am just amaze, how He would surprise me even in simplest things. As Scriptures says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
I can truly say that God is a personal God. He knows what you needs before you ask Him. It started from the desire of knowing Him which He planted in my heart and He really made a way on His timing. He gently changed my heart and everything has also changed. As it was written in the the Word, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV. How I deeply realized and value the worth of my salvation and the grace that He has given me. His sacrifice became my cure. He is so faithful in my life. I have never felt so loved and pursued until the day I met Jesus. He set me free from chains that have been holding me captive, shame, guilt and loneliness. The reason why you should never belittle your humble beginnings, for those days when you feel like, nothing is happening and you can’t feel His presence trust that He is working on you. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.” Remember that you are His masterpiece, His beloved.