I am one of those people who will forever be grateful for everything that has happened…speaking of the pandemic. It might sound weird and illogical but it is the truth (atleast for me). I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord at times like this. As a Christian, especially being a student, it has always been hard for me to balance things out in church, in school, and even my relationships. I didn’t know how to prioritize things that actually matter and the purpose of the things that I kept on doing.
Have you ever experienced being physically alive yet, spiritually dead and numb? and Surviving instead of living? Believe me, it is the worst feeling that you could ever experience. These are all just the product of a Christian who no longer reads her bible, isolates herself from the people from the church, and seeks to do her own will. I lived in fear having thoughts like…if Jesus would come anytime…what would he think of me? Can I still enter the kingdom? Am I still saved and forgiven? The things that I’ve been doing, does it please God? Am I still qualified? If not, then I’m going to regret everything that I am doing right now and nothing more I could ever do to bring back the time. I have come to a point where I questioned my salvation—because I didn’t know the truth, I didn’t know the word--and went far from God.
And with all that…I could say, I am a Christian who became more lost than the already lost.
One day, the whole nation was shook by a news; Corona Virus. Everything was shut down unexpectedly; the school, the malls, and recreational activity areas, etc. People were left with some unfinished business in the outside world (including I). There was nowhere to go, there was nothing to do and all that is left for me is the study table that I have in my room and YES! I finally remembered my bible. It took the lockdown for me to finally have the time to face the Lord one on one, all that was left at those anxious and fearful times was me and him (face to face). It was never easy starting over. There were times that I read the bible in drought, crying and pleading, searching for the voice of God to answer me. I operated by the flesh, I didn’t allow the spirit to really help me in seeking Jesus and I felt like my labor of finding him was in vain. Not until I read the word from
fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
and right there, I cried realizing that I was never alone; I was running with God beside me. I kept seeking for the one who was with me since the beginning, not realizing that it was me who departed, rerouted, and left. I thrived, I intentionally dig the word and I started seeking help from other Christians. I disclosed what I was going through with some chosen and accountable people. Right then…more than realizing and assuring that I already have a place in heaven, a part of my soul was healed.
I sought my purpose and played my battles in the wrong places because after all that has happened and things that I have achieved, nothing could just fill me. I realized that I didn’t need the applause of people, or for my presence to be acknowledged in church, nor for my name to be known anywhere. All I needed was a father who will comfort me and remind me that “It is okay…I do not seek what is yours or what you can do for me, all that I want is you alone.” Some chains were undone and I have been set free.
Today, I am far of who and what I want to become but surely, I can already say…I am already far from what I once was before I has an encounter with Jesus. Because of this pandemic, someone who once was dead… came to life and I can now sleep in peace knowing that my future is already secured in the Lord.
I would never trade this season for anything that the world sees as “good” and “comfortable”.
A Campus Missionary from our church whom I’ve shared my story to also said:
Maybe this pandemic is God’s way of answering the cries of the children to have time for their parents.
I couldn’t agree more. For me who is someone who’s not able to spend time a lot in praying, pausing, taking the time to rest and stay at home, enjoy gatherings with family, taking care of my health before the pandemic…this season in our lives did a great impact on me. It opened my eyes to the things that I should be focusing on, taking care of my soul, and reaching out even to other souls and spending time with my aging parents.
Truly, God has laid everything according to his plans. This community; Women One-Anothering women have helped me in digging deeper into the word of God. I never thought of something like this in my whole life. All glory and Honor belongs to him.
1 Corinthians 3:11 – For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ
When we put our faith into things that are unsure, and paint wrong images of our purpose in this world…we may enjoy the present times but fall is always a sure thing for us in the end. The good news is, we have the word of God and if ever we find ourselves getting lost in track…his word is a lamp into our feet and a light unto our path. At the end of the day, it isn’t our words that will last but God’s…so at the end of the day, no matter whom we are with and what we have become, we go back to his word. If we store God’s word in our hearts…right there we will know that in the end, Jesus is the only sure thing that we could ever have.
Questions for reflection and a call to action!
- How is your relationship with God?
- Have you ever felt distant from God? Why do you think so?
- What do you value the most in your life?
- Do you feel ashamed for being a Christian yet, struggling with life?
Be honest with how you feel towards God, talk to him and ask questions (not with a rage of fist but with a seeking heart).
It is about time to heal and serve your purpose in God. Talk to an accountable person from church or someone that comes in to your mind that can most likely help you in restarting and reviving the relationship you have with God (Feel free to send us a message!)
It is not the end, meanwhile…God is working out things for you that you would never know so, you got to help yourself too!