Lies that consumed Me
After I received Jesus in my life, became a born again Christian, and got baptized by water and Spirit, I felt like I am really a new creation. Everything has changed. I can see a greater hope in my situation. The fire in my heart started to burn and I felt the compassion to share Jesus in my family and friends.
Consequently, I shared my testimony to my mother, I was expecting that she would believe and support me but she didn’t. She got mad at me and even told me not to go back in the church that I joined in.
With that, I decided to share Jesus with my friends, most of them were happy for me but not all of them. I got so upset not understanding why they would be so unsupportive of my new-found faith. I was shamed and fear of sharing Jesus again crept in.
Thoughts of “You are a failure”, “You can’t make it”, “No one loves you”, “You are ugly”, “You can’t be help”, “No one will understand you”, “You don’t belong in any group”, “People won’t like you”, “Your sin in the past will always hunt you”, “Follow your heart”, “You need to perform so that you will belong” consumed me. These lies soon became my truths.
I was really drowned by all of these thoughts. I found myself struggling to read the Bible and my prayers soon became more like complaining instead of supplication.
After a year of living a life having these thoughts, God led me to people that He used to draw me to Him. But instead of drawing near to God, I look up to people and not to Him. I copy paste all that they do, hoping that I will get the same blessings that they had and really be like them.
I got worst, really worst.
Losing all my strengths, I prayed this prayer; “Lord, I can’t really be your child. I am worst than any people living in this world. I am tired of becoming who I want to be. I find it hard to trust people because they always fail me, they are all just the same. Trying to win my heart but left me empty handed, broken and wounded. All I know now is that I can live a life like this. I need you, Lord.”
Out of my desperation, I opened the Bible. I never knew then what it feels like to experienced God’s Word coming alive but that moment He opened my eyes to see the Truth in His Word, He led me to this verse –
Romans 12:2 MSG
Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
I knew right then and there that I was fixing my eyes on the world and not on Him. I became dependent on people. My disappointment came because I was trying to fit myself in the mold of this culture. I lost my joy because I was consumed by what I can do for Him when He just wants me to know Him.
Additionally, other people are not responsible for my choices nor are they responsible for mine. I realized that the world has full of opinions and its my choice whether to believe them or cling to what God had said over my life.
And I choose to believe the TRUTH.
|The lies I believed||The TRUTH that set me free|
|“You are a failure”||I am victorious by the blood Jesus|
|“You don’t deserve to be happy”||Happiness is based on happenings and my life is not anchored with people’s opinions but with Jesus who holds my indescribable joy.|
|“No one loves you”||God loves me with an everlasting love, and that is so enough for me.|
|“You are ugly”||I am wonderful and beautiful because I am God’s great masterpiece.|
|“You can’t be help”||Jesus said I can come to Him because He already knows my needs.|
|“No one will understand you”||God understands me perfectly. He knows everything about me.|
|“You don’t belong in any group”||You belong to God. He said in His Word, you are mine.|
|“People won’t like you”||I don’t need someone to like me and accept me because even before I was born Jesus accepted me for who I am. He is my confidence.|
|“Your sin in the past will always hunt you”||My sins have been forgiven. I am free from the bondage of my sins in the past, present and future.|
|“Follow your heart”||I can’t follow my heart because God said the heart is deceitful that’s why I choose to follow Him alone.|
|“You need to perform so that you will belong”||I don’t have to perform because I am fully belonged in God’s family, that though we are not perfect but our relationship is founded in Jesus Christ who is the source of our joy and peace.|
I know that it will never be easy to live a life with Jesus but I believe everything in Christ is worth it.